Liden Arms #

Date: Saturday 20th January
Guests: Auntie Rex, Top Cat
Guests failed:
Time: Beer:
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Music:
Notes: (Contributed by Top Cat) The first hole was the Liden Arms, my guess a par 3. The drive from the tee took us to within yards of the green. We had over-clubbed it, landing next to the graffiti decorated church. A chip shot brought us to within putting distance of the hole. Someone commented that there were no broken car windows as if to provide group re-assurance. Scattered around the green were car parks, a blue shuttered up Tesco’s Extra and bottle bank pods. Perhaps even a betting shop although I didn’t notice one. A bleak landscape.

A long putt brought us to the bar for pints of Arkells 2B and a lager. At 3.2% it one of few remaining light bitters in the UK. However, this was a pint of vinegar. Auntie Rex's lager was little better. Uncle Rex conducted a dynamic risk assessment, perhaps noting there were clientele with hair, a roaring fire and a tricycle in the corner, and re-presented our beer for exchange. The barmaid seemed disbelieving at first, no one else complained, but Tony’s face took on with an intensity that prompted her to defer to the land-lady. Our beers were replaced. I suspect no one else complained because no one else was drinking bitter. The Arkells 3B was not a lot better, tired through lack of turnover and pipe cleaning, albeit just drinkable. To my mind it has yet to meet it’s reputation as “Big Boys' Beer”.

In between regular sups I surveyed the bright walls whilst perched on a high chair. They were decorated by the usual Arkells epithets. A proliferation of televisions portrayed men running around a green field kicking a ball as if it were an important thing to do. People seemed happy drinking their lager and chain smoking. Auntie Rex enjoyed the music. Even knowing the names of the bands, more than I did. My enduring memory will be of the photographs above our table recording for posterity optimistic looking men posing mid construction of the pub and estate. And look how it has turned out.

As we tee’d off our leaving was noted. I stepped around the youth in a football shirt who emerged from the smoke filled public bar to spit. What will all these people do with themselves when smoking is banned in pubs as from 1st July I thought?

We were a disappointing one over par, a bogey on our first hole.